Finding the Unfound

 In the silence that I long for,

I will find my purpose to create.

In the slumber that I often slurp into,

 I trust I will kick the butt of out it.

In all the uncertainties that I linger on,

I see the light of certainty.

 

Weakness and inferiority never let me go,

The comfort was too secure to be cherished.

My broken heart never saw the light in the dark,

Till I realized I was not alone.

 

There I was, down in the pit, blind about my worth,

Enraged about my childhood, confused about my existence,

Naïve about being an adult scared about the unknown,

I was everything that I wasn’t.

 

My broken pieces are mine and I know they can’t be fixed,

Even if I mend them, the cracks would survive,

They may get broken again,

Using the adhesive of excuses, as that’s all I have left.

 

Distraction has befriended me for life now,

Even I like it somehow.

The fits of realization are intermittent,

The damage is consistent.

Yet the fight never ceases,

With time, the battle eases,

The continuous hammering of negativity freezes,

And finally, the mind chatter freezes. 

Discovering Sexual Desires and Fantasies

 It's been almost 24 hours and I am yet to get over it! I had downloaded MUBI on my phone to watch visual spectacles from all over the world. The app comprises an impressive treasure of World Cinema that is a must-have for cinema lovers like me. Given my perversion towards cinema oozing with lust, sex, and nudity, I stumbled upon a Mexican masterpiece "THE EMPTY HOURS". Directed by Aaron Fernandez Lesur, the film revolves around two individuals who deal with their loneliness. One of them is a teenage boy and the other is a woman. Sebastian, the boy, comes to his uncle's motel and is asked to take the role of a caretaker of the motel till his uncle goes to the city for his surgery and comes back alive and healthy. The woman, Miranda, is a real estate agent who is responsible for luring in customers.

The first shot in the film shows a pitch-dark frame with the headlight of a motorbike zooming in slowly clubbed with its sound of progression towards the audience followed by zooming out of the frame as a blurred vision of a boy riding a bike is shown. This is followed by a shot of Sebastian on the bike riding through the empty street and finally reaching the resort. The entire sequence establishes the basic standard of life that the people lead in that part of the world to survive. It also establishes the fact that the character is subject to mature experiences at a very young age. Once Sebastian's uncle explains his responsibilities, the story further takes us to Miranda's personal life where she convinces customers to visit the property. To celebrate this win, she invites her boyfriend to the motel to have a good night and have physical intimacy to deepen their relationship. The director doesn't shy away from declaring the fact that the motel is nothing less than an orgy center where the sounds of moaning between lovers penetrating each other are louder than the vehicles passing by the highway right beside the motel. The shot with Miranda's nude body lying flat on her stomach and head tilted right while she is smoking a cigarette is a treat for people who love aesthetics in lust. While her beautifully chiseled butt, back, legs, and chest add a different level of art and aesthetics to the frame, the body of her boyfriend sitting naked beside her and talking about the lonely nature of the motel lays the foundation for the primal and animalistic desire lingering around lonely souls. If not erection, one can easily get smitten by the beautiful composition of the frame that shows the luscious and desirable beauty of the character.

Miranda becomes a regular customer in the motel. Sebastian starts developing curiosity by listening to the moaning sounds of the customers inside their respective motel rooms. The hidden desire to be on the bed with a woman of Miranda's age gets its trigger when Miranda takes her out for dinner. This was preceded by her boyfriend ditching her on a date. She came back to the motel room distraught and thought of taking the boy out as she found him cute and humble. Earlier that day, before going on a date, she had an interesting conversation with him and she found him to be an interesting character to hang out with. Cut to the night out, while Sebastian asks her for a dance, she politely denies it and asks him to dance with the girls looking at him at the end of the restaurant. While he dances with a lady, some stranger approaches her and she cleverly manages to slide out of the offer. By the time they finish their dinner and get ready to go back. Miranda is sloshed and fails to stand properly. Sebastian drives her back to her motel room. As he carries her back to the room, she hugs and kisses him imagining her boyfriend. The boy experiences such behavior from a mature woman instead of a teenage girls. He stays confused for a while but his seeds of desire are on the way to fruition already.

Miranda comes back to Sebastian to apologize for her drunken behavior. Sebastian happily wades it away and gives back her mobile phone which she had forgotten earlier. Before he went for dinner, he stumbled upon her phone where he came across a bunch of lustful images of Miranda with her beautifully carved cleavage while she was lying down in the bed in a spaghetti dress. As he gave back Miranda's phone to her, she thanked him by giving him a tight hug. This further provided the necessary ignition to a physical intimacy that was forthcoming. Initially, Miranda did not approve of it as he tried kissing her and she pushed him back by his lips. Later on, she insisted on getting into a room and performing the act. The next scene involves Miranda riding over Sebastian in a powerful and beautifully executed sex scene. The lighting, accompanied by the texture of the room and the lustful characters, created the perfect setting for an amazing sexual intercourse scene. The camera showed the lustful bodies of the lovers greatly enjoying the moment of being inside each other at that moment. Erection might be an outcome of this scene, for sure!

The act is followed by another beautiful conversation where Miranda imagines a mermaid looking at the ceiling and the patterns formed by the paint on it. On the other hand, Sebastian disagrees about a mermaid and ensures about an iguana roaming around. Miranda politely disagrees and laughs at such kernel and innocent imagination. Miranda further explains to her the perfect body of the mermaid with its tits. During this shot, both Miranda and Sebastian are lying down looking at the ceiling and both their nipples are visible on the lens as Miranda explains the lustful side that Sebastian might want to explore now as a teenager. Once Sebastian leaves the room after listening to a customer's car honking, she puts on her top gets back into her panties, and starts smoking a cigarette while slouching on a window parapet. The entire composition hints at the loneliness that was tactfully and beautifully tackled by an unplanned situation.

As Miranda decides to leave her job and her past, she comes back to Sebastian to say her goodbyes only to discover that the boy finally discovering his boyhood. As she watches him talking to a young maid with utter affection, she smiles and leaves him a photograph of a mermaid which she pins on the reception board and leaves for her destination.

The underlying theme about exploring one's sexuality made me wonder about my lust for naked and beautifully chiseled bodies of women. The continuous desire to experience the pleasure of exploring a woman's body was never addressed during my teenage years which led to a continued starvation for sexual pleasures. Films like these provide us with the necessary moments to think about the normalcy surrounding sex and sexual pleasure. Our society is way behind accepting it as a necessity rather than a taboo. I had this urge to ejaculate as soon as I came across the sex scenes in this film. However, I decided to ejaculate on paper which is a better way to give away the flow of thoughts and emotions. I am not ashamed of what I have written!